The Moments We Think We’ll Get Back

This week, my daughter received an academic honors award.

Years ago, I might have missed it.

Not because I did not care.

But because I was building a practice, working long hours, and carrying what felt like the full weight of responsibility for my family, my patients, and our future.

Like many physicians and high-performing professionals, I convinced myself that missing certain moments was temporary. Necessary. Part of the price you pay while building something meaningful. And at that stage of life, I truly believed I was doing what I needed to do.

But over time, I began to understand something differently. The cost of success is not always measured in exhaustion. Sometimes it is measured in moments. Award ceremonies, Christmas programs, School events.

A fifth-grade graduation you can never get back.

For many physicians, the hardest part is that our absence often comes from good intentions. We are not avoiding our families. We are trying to provide for them. Protect them. Build stability for them. But high performers can become so focused on responsibility that we unintentionally sacrifice presence. And presence is not the same thing as being physically in the room.

I have learned that lesson slowly.

Many physicians struggle with this quietly. We become so accustomed to operating in a constant state of responsibility that slowing down can almost feel uncomfortable. Even during family time, part of our mind remains somewhere else — solving problems, anticipating demands, preparing for tomorrow.

But some moments deserve the full version of us. Not the distracted version, not the exhausted version, not the version still mentally sitting in the office. The fully present version.

Ironically, stepping back from work at times has not made me less effective professionally. It has made me clearer, more grounded, and more aware of what actually matters.